Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's blow job season.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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