actually, I'm a sock model
I wish I only lived at night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
