Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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