would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize