I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
