I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
