my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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