It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
