dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
