If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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