You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
50% drunk capacity currently
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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