I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
