I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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