i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
