Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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