she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
