I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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