It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
