I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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