great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize