At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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