My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
