dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize