so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
