okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
