overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
