Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
