Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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