here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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