yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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