her vagine was all disorganized.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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