Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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