Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
