I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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