Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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