who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
