This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
