when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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