I'm sorry my penis didn't work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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