you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize