He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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