So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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