I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
