youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
