Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I believe in your delicious
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
