its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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