I showed him my bush... on skype.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
