If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
