Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i love accidental penises.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
