I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
