I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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