my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
