I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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