community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
