It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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