Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
