The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
