mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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