look no pants
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
