He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
