i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
