Apparently you make a good broom.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
