The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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