I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
