I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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