i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
be right there i have to get my cape
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
