So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize