Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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