Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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