Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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