You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
