if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
