I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
