How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
