Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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