I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
