So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
