I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
