mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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