she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
