I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
