im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
