So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
