yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
