mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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