he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
