I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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