I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
