Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
